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Tallstar Advertises Flavoristic Foods
Wow, another spoof! This came to me while I was eating a banana. Lol I don't know. I think the Rowanclaw one was better, though ~ Eevee Narrator: Welcome to 'Tallstar's Flavoristic Foods,' with your host, Taaaaaallstaaaaaar! Tallstar: Welcome, unlucky, I mean, totally lucky customers! I am advertising delicious foods that Clans cats can now buy in a deserted Twoleg nest filled with cobwebs and spiders and dust that is bound to get all over the food! Mudclaw: *throws tomato at Tallstar* Tallstar: *picks up tomato* First, I advertise this round red fruitable! Yep, a mix of a vegetable and a fruit, so it's two times the healthy of one fruit and slash or vegetable! And if you buy one, you get two for DOUBLE the price! I said it! DOUBLE the price! One costs two pieces of prey, but a whopping TWO costs four pieces of prey! (Ashfur, Larksong, Stonefur, and Mudclaw leave) Tallstar: Next, I am advertising ice cream! It's basically snow! And your tongue can get stuck to it, too! BONUS!! Crookedstar: *raises paw* Don't you get something called 'brainfreeze' from that stuff? Tallstar: Yup. :3 Mosskit: Wait, how does that work? Tallstar: Eat it, and it crawls up to the brain like a spider and eats and eats your brain, and then you can't move, and then your brain goes KABOOOM, and then it bleeds- Mosskit: *runs away crying* Bluestar: *slaps Tallstar's face and leaves* Tall: It comes in many flavors! Rabbit flavor, squirrel flavor, cat flavor, blood flavor- Redtail: Wait what? O_o Tall: Rocky Thunderpath flavor, and your favorite, roadkill flavor! It even comes in ice-and-cream flavor! (holds up container of ice and cream mixed) Three pieces of prey! (Stonepelt and Weedwhisker leave) Tall: Next up, stew my great-great-great-great-one thousand times great-grandmother made! (Redtail leaves) Tall: Her food was so great! She made it for me and sent it down from StarClan. *holds up jar of stuff that looks like barf mixed with toilet water* Snowfur: Is it . . . moving? Stew: BLLLLAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHH!!! Must eat! JCDHNRFJFNFDBJDJRE!!!! Tall: *slaps lid on jar* (Silence) Tallstar: Just five pieces of prey! :D Moonflower: D: Goosefeather: ... and I thought I was the crazy one. (Russetfur leaves) Tallstar: Another great food - But it's more of a drink - is coffee! I found it in a soft gritty net thing. :3 Five pieces of prey! (Goosefeather, Moonflower, Firestar, Crookedstar, Cinderpelt, and Spottedleaf leave) Tall: And last, all you've been waiting for! *points at audience* *only three cats in crowd - Raggedstar, Swiftpaw, and Oakheart* Tall: Worms covered in fruitable sauce topped with mud balls! Twolegs call it 'spaghetti' or something. Why would they want to eat worms? Oh well, buy it for all your fresh-kill and half your herbs! (bows) Thank you! Buy at Abandoned Twoleg Nest Now Run by Tallstar! Raggedstar: Uh, no. *leaves* Swiftpaw: *leaves, muttering* Oakheart: O_O' . . . *leaves* *Tigerstar pops in* Tigerstar: Uh, Tallstar... Tallstar: *screams like little girl* IT'S TIGERSTAR!? BUT YOU'RE DEAD! Tigerstar: Don't remind me, WindClan rabbit-eater. And I brought a few 'friends.' *Brokenstar, Scourge, and Clawface come in* Brokenstar: *derp face* Ohai, Tallstar! *waves* Scourge: You're all idiots. Clawface: *punches* Scourge: *epically high-pitched voice* SCOURGE GET ANGREH! *leaps on Clawface and claws his already-clawed face* Tigerstar: Aaaaaaaanyway. Tallstar: Yeah. *cowers* DUN KILL ME. D: Tigerstar: Dude. Jayfeather: *comes in* I can see da furture! :D Tallstar: MORE FOODS ADS! :D Scourge: *jumps in front of camera* After this oncoming commercial break! >:D Tallstar: NOOOOO- *commercial cuts him off* ~ Brightheart *cat in commercial*: Hello, all! Here is a new product that will- Tallstar: *pushes commercial screen out of the way* Now then. *pats paws* Sit. *Scourge, Tigerstar, Clawface, and Brokenstar sit down* Scourge: Get on with it. Tallstar: Sure. *rolls eyes* This! *holds up marshmallow* Is called a 'Marshy Mallow'! It's very soft and sticky- Scourge: *takes marshmallow* Hmph. *squishes with paw* NOOOOO!!! My claws are sticky, mouse-brains! Tigerstar: >:D Tallstar: Weeeell- Tigerstar: Wait... Tallstar: Here is my new 'Pretty Claws Cat Claw Cleaner'! Scourge: Yay! :D *takes and runs away* Brokenstar: GET ON WITH IT! *throws toilet paper roll* Tallstar: O''kay.'' *put on fruit hat* This is a Food Hat. Say you're the hungriest cat in the forest. Tigerstar: But the Clans live at the Lake. Tallstar: Fine. The hungriest cat at the La- Brokenstar: But what about StarClan? Clawface: And the Dark For- Tallstar: *sighs* You're the hungriest cat in the world. And you'll have food right on your head! *takes apple* Clawface: How much is it? Tallstar: Oh. ALL your prey and ALL your herbs. :3 Clawface: Uh, no. *leaves* Tigerstar: Sorry, but no. *leaves* Brokenstar: How about no. *follows, and runs into doorway* I MEANT TO DO THAT. Scourge: *comes back* Your stupid claw cleaner doesn't work on dog teeth claws, idiot! D:< *throws claw cleaner* Tallstar: MAI EYES! DX *falls to floor while paramedic cats run up to him* Narrator: This has been 'Tallstar's Flavoristic Foods! Thanks for coming! *curtain closes* What do you think about it? Leave your opinion in the comments! Category:Tallstar Advertises Category:Spoof Category:Eevee's Spoofs